grape_soda: (srly?)
So I've been up all night because I can't sleep, because my protagonist has suddenly started to take shape and the getting is good for writing right now. I don't know how it is for other people, but for me, writing is either feast or famine. I mean when it's famine I still write anyway, even though it's dry and tasteless and makes no sense. I've got this whole folder of stuff I wrote through famine periods, because my fingers move on the keyboard no matter what. But when it's feast, it flows endlessly and it's like I have some weird connection to some distant world of magic or something that sends these thoughts and this sort of weird wisdom I'm sure I don't really have into my fingers, through my heart and not my brain. Like, my brain has no part of writing when it's feast.

But the point of all this is that I was thinking that I want to be annoyed because my writing won't let me sleep, but all I can be is happy because all I can think about is how much I LOVE WRITING. Seriously, it's the one thing I've been consistently passionate about since I could form coherent thoughts. Before I could hold a pencil I would come up with these long and complicated tales on my head and draw them out in scribbles, and then in grade school I'd tap out these stupid long stories on notebook paper, and then eventually I moved on to writing horror novels in notebooks in high school. And then I discovered writing on the computer and I was pumping out thousands of words a week of crappy fanfiction and horrific tales of the occult, endlessly, until it started becoming something like actual novels. I think I've morphed into a completely separate person at least four times since I got really into writing, but this crazy blinding passion for it is something that's remained consistent no matter what, no matter how sad or scared or self-loathing or stupid or jaded or whatever else I've ever been I was, writing still WORKED. It's like this connection to something outside of myself, something bigger, some other world that I can only scrape a little bit of fairy dust off the edge of when I write. Is this what it feels like for monks when they meditate? Is this that sublime state of mind they reach, or what? Am I tasting it a little bit? It's so exciting to think about, and it makes me so damn happy.

So wow... that was a novel in itself, wasn't it? XD I guess the point of this is that it's good to have passion for at least one thing, even if it's just purely recreational like mine is.

So what's your passion? Comment here, or write up your own minirant and link me to it. I want to know <3
grape_soda: (LxMisa)
Things have improved quite a bit over the past several months. I've gotten pretty busy as of late, which is always a good thing. As it turns out my grandma is alright, and she's planning to come for a visit next month. I've landed a job with Lia Sophia and things are going surprisingly well with it so far. All in all, I'm feeling much better. Thanks again to those of you who cheered me up so much. You know who you are <3 Still no news about Sarah, but I guess things could be worse; no news is good news. With any luck, she'll be alright.

I've been avoiding using this account as a sort of self-punishment for a while, because I pulled some stupid wank in a comm a while back XD I don't know why I felt like I had to; it's not like anyone holds long-standing grudges because of something that happens on the internet. Still, I feel like an ass for some of the stuff I said, but I suppose there's not much else I can do. I accidentally deleted the entry while trying to edit it on my iPod, so it's not even as though the source of the wank exists anymore, and I apologized to everyone involved. Still, I'm a guilt horse.

Speaking of wank, I've spent the afternoon becoming immersed in Tara Gilesbie's "My Immortal", which is possibly the worst, most mind-numbing thing I've ever read, but it's just too funny not to enjoy in some sick, masochistic way. It's been deleted from FFN for years, but you can find info on it as well as read the actual fic here if you haven't already (a direct link to the actual fic's text can be found here). It's just hysterical. For those unfamiliar with this muddled mystery of a fic, it's basically a teenage girl with no common sense's version of what Harry Potter would be like if everyone was a goth, a vampire, a prep, just a plain douchebag, or a weird mix of all three and mysteriously lost their original characterizations somewhere along the way. I haven't stopped laughing since I started reading chapter one. The focus of the story is on a stereotypical "gothic" Mary Sue. It's just too horrifying and amusing not to be fattening. It's the official worst fanfic ever written. You have GOT to read it. I'm not even kidding.

Well... I'll probably post my reactions upon finishing what's been written of said fic later XD for now, I'm off to melt my brain with it until it's over with.

PS: I'm currently working on another monster of a fic since Duet is finished. My sister volunteered to beta it, but still hasn't started (it's been several months). It's a Silent Hill one... I want to get it done before I start my next Ouran one because I know the Ouran one will get all of my attention XD so if any of you would like to take a look at it for grammar and continuity errors, I'd appreciate it.
grape_soda: (Puri Puri)
So, this weekend was incredible. For serious. SO SO SO incredible. On Friday, I went to Hobby Lobby to get some stuff for commissions and almost everything I needed was on sale <3 then that evening, Brittany and Sammy and I went to the local production of Miss Saigon together, and it was beautiful <3 my old choir teacher (and Brittany and Sammy's current choir teacher) played Ellen, Chris' new wife, and she sounded amazing. She had such emotion in her voice that I cried a little during her big song. Also, Sammy and I went to the musical dressed as boys, and the girl at the next table checked me out. I was pretty convincing as a boy XD and then I accidentally went in the girls' bathroom and got weird looks. Oops. Makes me wonder what real trannies do when they need to pee. Because... well... going in the boys' bathroom is awkward for me, even when it looks like I belong there. It was so much fun 8D I love hanging out with Sammy. I didn't really think about it much before, but I've been friends with her since she was 2 years old. Seriously. And an added bonus is that we never run out of things to talk about, because we always have the same fandoms as each other XD <3

crossdressing pic time XD )

Then, on Saturday I went to lunch at Golden Corral and I got a ton of banana pudding, which is why I like to go there (I also filled an edible taco salad bowl with mashed potatoes, fries, and like 6 kinds of non-taco meat XD), and then we went to Costco (Cosco? I don't know how to spell it). At Costco, this really (super) cute guy was giving out samples of an energy drink/vitamin B12 supplement, and I tried the pink lemonade kind and said it was good, and he smiled charmingly at me and gave me a WHOLE BOTTLE OF IT. FREE. That never happens. Guys never flirt with me... especially stunning ones. But this guy totally flirted with me 8D I felt so good about myself all day, which was nice because I was having one of those bad skin days, so I was feeling bad about myself before.

THEN, on Sunday, we went to the mall and I didn't buy anything XD but in Hot Topic this girl said she liked my bag (it's an Ouran one) and I was like "8D you like Ouran too?" and she was like "YOU like Ouran too?" and her friend came up and was like "OURAN HIGH SCHOOL HOST CLUB?" and then we all screamed together and jumped around and went on about how no one in Billings liked it and it was cool to meet someone else who did <3 it was amazing. I felt like I was among my own kind XD also, while at the mall, I was talking about this bomber jacket that I want to buy (it's $40, which is like the equivalent of a $1,000,000,000 by my standards), and my dad gave me $20 toward it... without me even asking. It was so nice.

THEN ON MONDAY, which still counted as the weekend because Brittany had the day off from school, we sat around playing Sims 2 all day until later when we bleached our hair together <3 she's doing pink and blue streaks underneath like Katy Perry and I'm doing pink on the ends like Maria from Silent Hill 2 <3 it's going to be so awesome! Right now I still have the blonde ends but tomorrow I'm doing the pink. I'll post pics when I get it done... and some cosplay pics. Brittany has a jacket like the one James wears, and I have the boots and skirt (well, it's a shirt but I can make it look like it's a skirt XD) to be Maria, so we're going to take some funny pics. We also have a TamaHaru photoshoot planned. Not the cute kind, though XD she's going to be Tamaki and we're taking pictures of her holding a broken wine glass up to my neck.

So, this weekend was INCREDIBLE. I feel like I can take on the world.
I'll be working on commissions this week, so those of you who have one coming, it should be ready soon. I'm not setting a date, though, because I don't want to rush the pieces to meet a deadline. I want them to be beautiful.
grape_soda: (Soubi and Ritsuka)
So, I think I managed to get rid of the virus (I had to use Malwarebytes, Housecall, Spybot, Kaspersky, and Hitman to get all of it), thank goodness. But I still need to figure out how the viruses are getting in EVERY TIME I SAVE A FILE (even if it's safe). I'll track it down and smash it to bits, whatever it is XD

I have to paint an apartment today, which is nice because it'll be the first real work I've done in ages. I've missed physical labor, even though it's nice having all this time to write. The job hunting sucks, though. Ugh, it makes me feel so inadequate that I've applied for about 30 jobs and no one wants to hire me /:

So anyway, I'm doing a bunch of hardcore work on Xmas presents, but they still won't be done in time! I'm having fun, though. And I finally ordered Sammy's present, which I hope she'll like. It's from Team THRASH, and since I'm a longtime customer, they gave me a discount <3 they're so sweet.

I had another horrible nightmare last night, this time about people who used to live in my house in the 20's. They were keeping this kid they'd kidnapped and pretending he was their son, and then he stole some of their money and tried to get away. They caught him, and they bashed his head in and buried him in the basement ;_; I really need to check the hall of records and see if the people from the dream really lived here. I've dreamed of about 6 former occupants of this house at this point, and I want to see if any of them are accurate. This dream was so vivid that I was clenching my teeth the whole time and when I woke up I couldn't unclench them for a few seconds XD my jaw is really sore.

Also, (my website ^^) is finally open. It took ages to get done XD So, if anyone wants to buy anything from it, feel free.
grape_soda: (Haruhi)
So I got ANOTHER virus /: and this time all I did was save a picture. I am never, ever, never, ever ever ever ever ever saving/downloading anything again unless I'm on my laptop (because it has Linux, which is badass enough to keep pretty much any virus away). I don't care so much because it's just a computer and plus I can fix it on my own, but I wish people didn't make viruses. It's such a waste of time and computer skills. I think I'm going to become a computer programmer and create a program that blocks any program that modifies the way Windows runs so viruses won't work anymore. I've started teaching myself code already.

Anyway, I've developed a new addiction XD it's the Korean suspense/thriller "Black House". It's so cool. The protagonist is named Jeun Juno and he's adorable. He's an optimistic insurance agent who's all caring and he's just... so adorable. I made a RP account for him if anyone wants to RP with him: [ profile] jeun_juno
[ profile] stefanie_k had the right idea making a musebox XD I need a way to keep track of all my RP journals. I lose/forget them half the time. Maybe I'll make a musebox too if I ever stop being lazy...

Last night I had a dream I was running a charity with Caitlin Glass ([ profile] kiristokyoto) XD it was awesome and made me think that if I ever have the opportunity, I'm definitely going to have to do that in real life. It was so fun and nice, and much better than the dream I had the other night, where I got my throat slit and woke up with the feeling still there (the pain and blood running down and whatnot) and had to sit up choking XD I love when I have nice dreams. And Caitlin Glass is adorable and very funny <3 Caitlin, I doubt you'll ever read this because of how busy you are with training and your lack of internet and everything, but congrats on the wedding XD

I'm working on chapter 35 of Duet at the moment <3 I really love this story, but I can't wait to finish it so I can focus a little more on my novels XD though it's become a novel in itself. It's the second-longest thing I've ever written... so of course it has to be fanfiction.

So anyway, if any of you figure out what you want for Christmas don't forget to let me know. I'm running really behind on all my Xmas stuff ^^; oops.
grape_soda: (Tamaki headphones)
Feeling better. My uncle (well, actually he was my great-uncle, I just always mess up ^^;) died on Thursday night. It wasn't as sad as it could have been, though, because he chose to die. He signed a "do not revive" order and he was really peaceful. I was too late to go to say goodbye, but I'd rather not remember him that way, anyway. I'd rather remember him with a guitar in his hands and a Star Wars joke on his lips. He wouldn't have wanted me to see him partially paralyzed. He was my hero as a kid and I'm really going to miss him. I think I'll learn to play guitar to help keep his memory alive. I think he'd like that.

On Friday, my cousin Jascel, my uncle Neil, and his wife Reana came to visit, and we had the best time. On Sunday night we sat up laughing, telling inappropriate jokes, and making prank calls. My cousin Alex has this whale joke where you say "what did one whale say to the other" and the answer is just making whale sounds for 10 minutes straight or so, so we called people and did that to them XD despite the fact that everyone there but me was over 30 years old, we acted like a bunch of kids. It was amazing and the most fun I've had in ages. Also, Jascel might be moving back to Montana, which would be amazing because then we could do that kind of thing every weekend XD

Also, I finally managed to get the virus off my computer without paying $100+, thanks to [ profile] lovinjerryt's suggestion of putting it in safe mode and running Malewarebytes. Thank goodness I can use my money on Xmas presents for everyone now. Well, for the stuff to make the presents because I'm doing jewelry for Xamas this year <3

I'm really excited for Xmas at this point. I'm working on presents but there's no way they'll be ready in time ^^; sorry about that, guys, but a late present is better than no present at all! I went to Brittany's choir concert last night and it was a blast. It really got me in the spirit for some baking <3

Also.... this

grape_soda: (Tamaki headphones)
So... today I was at the Dollar Tree with Brittany, Sammy,Kiona, and Natalie, shopping for deodorant. I use Power Stick Intense, which I realize is a man's deodorant, but shut up. I'm an extreme woman and I need extreme scents to get me through my day! So anyway, they had the other scents from that brand but not mine, so I dug under the metal basket they were in and found one Intense XD I was so pleased. I was sad to find, however, that they did not have Intense in a body spray. And then I realized that this kind of thing being the highlight of my day was a little pathetic XD I'm so boring.

Before the Dollar Tree, we went to Pizza Hut for lunch. It was kind of amazing. We wrote notes back and forth on napkins like junior high kids XD at one point we were passing notes signed Tamaki, Mori, Huck Finn... kind of everything XD and they were all horrendously perverted, too, one of them involving Kyouya and and Hunny getting it on with whips and yogurt involved.

Also, I'm selling jewelry until I can find a real job XD I have a website (, which you can feel free to bookmark and check for updates on. All of the jewelry is going to be really low priced and I'll be putting an order form up sometime soon when I actually post the pictures of the jewelry I've made so far <3 I can't get the site builder to work on my laptop, so it'll have to wait until tomorrow XD There'll probably end up being a lot of fandom-related jewelry (I've already made an ootoro ring and Usa-chan hairclips). So, stick around for that... *hope*

Well, I forgot to do a Halloween rant again. Who knows if I'll do it? Probably will, though. Also, I might post pictures from the Zombie Walk if I can find some on our town's website XD it was a lot of fun.

ALSO, I've got a deadline coming up at [ profile] ouran_contest soon and I have no ideas for a fic. The theme is "Murphy's Law". Tell me if you guys have any ideas ^^;

And... I'm considering dropping the manga Vampire Knight. The plot is kinda spiraling out of control at this point and I really don't know if it's going to end up disappearing altogether. I think I just finished volume 10 but it could have been 9 XD anyway, you guys should let me know if it gets awesome again or if the fate of the series is doomed and I shouldn't bother spending money on any more volumes.
grape_soda: (Puri Puri)
So, I got my computer back from the repair place <3 they were very friendly and they helped me out a lot, and we palled around for a while before I went home. It cost a lot less than they said it would, too. Pleasant surprise. They were the ones I originally bought my computer from. So if you ever have computer issues, I would highly recommend Acorn Technologies. I call them all the time when I have a random computer issue XD I'm still not going online on my computer until I get better virus protection, though. Not sure if I trust Norton anymore. I'll be on my laptop for a while longer yet.

I'm still pissed/sad about the job issue, but I'm not dwelling on it too much. I sold my first piece of jewelry today on DA (to my friend Dove XD). It was an ootoro ring like the one from Ouran. If any of you guys want one, they're $5 and shipping within the US (for the moment, at least) is free. I'll also make other kinds of jewelry if you want to request something...

So did you guys see the new episode of Medium on Friday? I totally wanted to kill Joe for a minute. How DARE he nearly leave Allison? For that hobag of a doctor who hit on him WHEN SHE KNEW HE WAS MARRIED? If I didn't have such a fangirl crush on him I'd start hating him right about now. He had BETTER redeem himself in the next episode. FKKJSGLJW if they get a divorce, then I'm officially not watching the show anymore XD

Speaking of shows.. HAVE YOU GUYS STARTED WATCHING UGLY AMERICANS YET?! AHHHH! It's officially made of 100% pure awesome. I love everything about it. Also, Mark is adorable. I could get some fangirling in about that guy XD And the jokes are hilarious and it's just so... fresh. I like the way it presents itself as not a big deal... it's such an interesting show. With every episode I come closer to being completely engulfed by its awesomeness. And the characters are all incredible too. And so are Callie's boobs.

I'll rant again later. Halloween was awesome. I'll probably rant about that. <3

I think things are getting better.
grape_soda: (Haruhi)
So, since I'm kinda done with the cleaning business and looking for a new job, I'll have a more consistent lunch break, meaning I won't have to resort to fast food often. And so, in the interest of having a delicious daily lunch every day with lots of variety and relatively low ingredient cost, I've opted to try out bento. And... wow. There are so many things I didn't know about bento. There are so many accessories and whatnot... like all the molds and cutting tools and themed chopsticks and dividers and little containers that go INSIDE the bento box. It's like a whole world of wonderment! It has captured my heart!

These are some of the things on my "possibly plan to buy" list so far:
one - pink bear box with matching pink chopsticks
two - cherry blossom print box with a strap (and it's microwavable)
three - cherry-print box with a matching fork
four - tools that let you cut your sausage into little octopuses
five - a rice mold shaped like... HELLO KITTY
six - cutters to shape your ham and cheese like little animals
seven - cotton banana box... it's so cute
eight - cutters to shape your nori like faces
nine animal-shaped bread cutters
ten - sauce bottles with lids shaped like bears and apples
eleven - Hello Kitty 2 tier box (and this because it's also Hello Kitty)
twelve - little mini forks shaped like animals!
thirteen - cases for ketchup and mayo shaped like animals
fourteen - cutters to make your sandwiches decorated with hearts

It's all so extravagant and adorable and amazing! It really brings out my inner childishness XD as soon as I saw the little animal-shaped forks I started screaming. I could gush over these silly little things all day. I can't really afford all of this now so I'm waiting to buy anything until I have a job and receive my first paycheck. I already have a bento box but it's only about seven by five inches so I would starve XD

Also, I'm in the market for a heartshaped rice mold if anyone knows where I can get one. I plan to go all out when I can afford it. Time for fun!

I have an interview at Papa Murphy's today <3 hopefully it'll go well because it's within walking distance of my house. I'm so darn nervous. I always get awkward after a while and I feel like I'm creepy because I'm a little too thorough about eye contact.

And finally... I've been collecting a bunch more Iwako erasers lately. They're only a dollar at Michaels. I bought all of the hamsters and the bird (which I bought last year in pink) in blue. I also bought a lot of cheap Iwako knockoffs shaped like various food. I have a huge collection of puzzle erasers now. I'll post a picture when I can find my camera ^^;

EDIT: stop the presses, because I figured out what I'm going to buy for bento aside from the cute little accessories and cutters (I need those too). It's this:

grape_soda: (Tamaki mad)
Oh my god.... I just read this and I just... I don't even... someone needs to kill me. Immediately. Or better yet, go back in time and kill whoever decided it would be a good idea for Hollywood to start recycling Japan's media in the first place. I love Furuba (other than the horrible pairings... though Shigure/Akito was perfect <3) and I don't want to see it raped like ATLA and DBZ and etc... ;_;

Also, it pisses me off that they're going to omit the tent scene to make it "realistic". Furuba is not realistic. If they wanted to make the movie realistic, they'd have to omit the Sohma curse and therefore would have no movie at all /: Hollywood, you have failed me again. And I bet they'll make Akito a boy, too. Baaaaaaah DX DX DX

On a lighter note, FALLOUT FALLOUT FALLOUT. I eat, sleep, and breathe Fallout 3 lately XD

I applied at Papa Murphy's and I really, really want this job ^^ I'm hoping so hard that I get it. I would love to work at a pizza place. Oh, and I got internet back in my house. Yaaaay! ^^

At the moment I'm talking to my grandma on Facebook XD she's so cool. I kinda love that we think the same way about things and I never have to feel awkward with her. My family is just too awesome for words <3

And... the new season of Medium is as awesome as it is addictive. I can't believe Lee was technically dead for a minute XD I actually cried a little. I'm going to miss Ariel but I suppose Sofia Vassileva is on to bigger and better things, so it's for the best. I wish Jake Weber hadn't cut his hair, though. He looks so old and I can't think of him as Joe without his feathery locks XD I miss Dawn of the Dead Jake's hair, too. It was so pretty. Anyway, enough fandom ranting.

I can't wait for Halloween. I'll post some Halloween related noise sometime soon, but for now I think I'm rambled about enough XD
grape_soda: (Ouran 1)
So anyway, last night Olivia came over and we watched Aladdin. Then we went to Walmart to get some stuff for dinner and held hands the whole time XD everyone thought we were a lesbian couple. It was funny. Then we came home and made pasta with parmesan (which I can't spell no matter how many years go by) and eggplant pasta with grilled peppers and french bread. It was amazing and delicious and we had sparkling grape juice with it (I would have preferred wine because I like to feel grandiose but sparkling juice tastes WAY better). It was a ton of fun! I love cooking with my friends. Whenever Olivia comes to my house, she's always like "I'm hungry feed me" first thing so I make her food, and this time she returned the favor XD it was a lot of fun. Her going away party is on Sunday (;_;) and I got to help plan it. It's in her dojo and we're going to do a fancy dress theme and I'm bringing cake and hors d’ouvres (which I also can't spell and I'm too lazy to dig in my mind for my old prowess at French). It's going to be fun, but I'm going to miss her so much ;_; She's moving to Seattle on Monday and I can't even believe it /: She and I have so much fun and she's really the only "girly" friend I have so we do crafting and sew and such. She'll come back to visit and be like "geez when did you get so manly?"

So yeah, lots of fun and sadness in that department. I can't believe I'm not going to get to hang out with her anymore!

Also, on an unrelated note, I was thinking today and I realized that though I've been in love with the same person for the past 8 years... I don't think I have those feelings for that person anymore. It's so weird to think about. Those emotions have become such a big part of me that the thought of them possibly being gone leaves me feeling really weird and kind of empty. I'm just lucky things like romance don't matter much to me at all, or I'd probably be depressed. I don't know how I feel anymore. I'll have to think about it and sort things out.

Anyway, for those of you who read the new Ouran chapter: HOLY CRAP, RIGHT!?!?!?!
grape_soda: (Soubi and Ritsuka)
First of all, I got a Tumblr 8D let's be fwends:

So, I made the most wonderful discovery: I am absolutely content with the person I am. Good for me XD I am so absolutely happy just being me and knowing that that is good enough. It's a wonderful feeling! There's still a lot I want to accomplish, but for now it's all good. I'm doing the best I can, and I'm happy.

Partially, this realization came because I ran across my old journal that I started during my very first week of high school XD it chronicles my journey through high school and beyond, and I loled quite a bit reading it. If anyone wants to add me there, the journal is right here XDDDDD I went in and posted a new entry for the first time in like a year and made it look awesome again because I felt bad.

Wow, looking back on all the entries there from high school, I just wish I could step into the past and slap that awkward little antisocial bookworm that was me in the face and be like "Stop obsessing over things that don't matter! Stop worrying you're not good enough, because you are! Stop thinking you're not pretty and you're not a fun person and you're not worth people's time! Start spending more time with your crazy friends and less time at home by yourself! And for god's sake, when HE tells you he loves you, don't just stand there! SAY YOU LOVE HIM BACK BECAUSE IF YOU STAY QUIET YOU'LL BE MAKING THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF YOUR LIFE!" and then shake my teenage self by the shoulders and buy my teenage self some damn happy pills and sunshine cookies to make her stop being such a sarcastic bitch and stop being so realistic all the time. And then I'd punch her for rejecting Dwayne DX current me and teenager!me would not get along AT ALL. Teenager me would think current me was an idiot, and current me would cry because teenager!me was a bitch to her XDDDDDDDDDD <3 teenager!me would be like "Leave me the hell alone. You're some crazy lesbian /:" and current me would be like "I'm not a lesbian! O:"

*shuts up*

I'm so happy right now <3 <3 <3 <3

EDIT: I'm on Aimini now X3 befriend me, 'kay?

December 2011

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